So for the second time since I want to say.....2010(?), I ran the Blizzard repair tool. I am not 100% sure that it took care of the crashing issue, yet, but for whatever reason it did take care of the laggy ass turning and direction changing, smooth as silk now.
I tried every external repair there was short of reinstalling windows just to make sure that it wasn't my box causing this. Ran memory tests, 48 hour deep scan since I am running 64gb of memory, 100% fine. Ran DISM and SFC multiple times and even did a system restore back to a month ago.
The only thing left short of reinstalling windows was running the Blizzard repair . I never run through the launcher unless it's update/patch time, so I closed everything bot-related last night, right down to the folders in explorer, opened up the launcher and let repair run overnight while I slept. No idea how long it took, but I was tired, lol.
Came to it this morning and this little is running mint. Been about an hour and not a single crash, where before it would happen once every ten minutes easily, if not as soon as the bot loaded.
I've not run a Blizzard repair in so long I almost forgot it existed. So there's that, typing this for anyone else with this issue who may have also forgotten about the repair tool. I guess it's not as useless as I once thought it was...